enter drew. and enter anxiety.

i dont even know what to say.  or why im writing.  i'll keep it short.  (suuure i will).

i met a beautiful man.  i eyeballed him and he actually came to talk to me.  we've hung out several times.  he wanted to hang out more times than i am used to in a short period and it freaked me out.  not because i didn't want to hang out with him, but because i dont believe his interest will last.

my heart is fucking terrified.  i am anxious, afraid, cautious, super over analyzing, and wish i were in the place i was when i met dustin.  carefree, ready to embrace the world, pain and all.  okay i probably wasn't aware at the time of how much pain there might be.  and i also didn't give a shit about him.  i was doing things for ME.  now im like looking for a mr. forever that wont leave me like he did and im feeling like a wuss, skittish, mistrusting, and definitely not engaging and and fun-loving like i think a man might like.   trying to tell myself that im exactly where im supposed to be...but then fear creeps in and tells me that if i dont figure something out i will lose this opportunity to be with this incredibly sexy man who has a lot of the qualities i really like. 

i dont like feeling like this at all.  think it's time to call that marsha.  fear abounds and i'd like it to go away.