sometimes i just wanna call you and be like, hey, what are you doing?  do you ever want to do that?
first thought is that you would say yes.  i can imagine that so easily.  for  second.
and then my second thought is that you do not. im nuts.
and it's all well and good to call you and say, hey, what are you doing, but i alwaaaaaa
a
a
a
ays
neverwantyoutoleave and you alwaaaaaaaa

a
a
a
ys do.

so yeah.

bizarre.

i have to remember i felt like this before.  remember when i was writing about how i felt better when i just texted you what i felt...like that i was missing you or whatever.  but then it seemed to happen that you would let me down eventually somehow, someway, and i would get all panicky and hurt.  and that has brought me to this place where i just picture my mother telling me i need to leave you alone.  until im over it.  youre not coming back.

so annoying though fighting what my gut tells me to do.  because i now i feel like im supposed to doubt my gut.  because you aren't fucking cooperating. ugh. that's not how we do.  thats not how we operated.  this isn't right dustin.  i dont care what you say.