Day 3.  I went to sleep and woke up thinking, "you were many things that I wanted, but not everything." this does not mean my heart does not still feel sad.  i prayed the prayer, to have my hands open.  took some deep breaths.  said, "i look forward to running into you so i can practice holding my peace."

then i began my drive to work in the rain, winding down beautiful riverland road.  i remembered how i felt when we were first getting together.  i remembered also you asking me if you crossed my mind when i thought about moving to texas.  of course you did.  man, i dont know why those moments are so sweet to me.  but they are.  i recognize it.  take another deep breath to try to stop the flow of tears before it begins.  and i think of the day when i come up to you to say, "hey.  just wanted to let you know i'm good.  i met somebody else and he's great, so im not afraid of you anymore.  so feel free to talk to me all you wish, not that you probably will.  just wanted you to know im good."

my shoulders are tight.  my smile is naught.  i am sad.