i couldn't sleep last night.  my throat hurt enough that it woke me up several times.  i also kept thinking i needed to do something to move on. i was with my friend laura earlier in the evening and she asked what was up with me, so i told her about lots, including you.  she was encouraging and wonderful, insightful.  she reminded me of a few things and also told me you were an idiot for letting me go.  i didn't have to DO anything.  if you want to come get me with some romantic gesture you can, but other than that, im amazing and can just move on and i dont need someone like you who is too stupid to realize that i am THE prize.

that's nice and all but i felt better when i was just appreciating you, loving you, knowing we will be fine. 

maybe.  but maybe this is the inevitable place i end up when i start thinking about you in any other terms than "i need to get over it."  this place being one where im sad, mind churning, think i need to DO something.  either call you and have one more present day with you or tell you how i have been feeling and dealing these past couple of months and therefore you need to stop bringing me breakfast and i need to pretend you are gone.

i might do that i dont know.

might need to just breathe and rest and just know im overwhelmed today.  i can shut my mind off, it's ok.

im sick, tired, overwhelmed, and hope my stomach doesn't feel weird cuz it's growing nate's baby. the other day i felt like that woulda been fine, i'd figure it out.  today i think i was being retarded and immature.  ha.  i dont want a baby right now.  yikes.  how bout that for a way to end an entry.