im so fucked up over this guy. and i completely dont understand it.
it was so simple at the time. present. intense. beautiful. no stress. joy. peace. comfort. no overanalyzing. ok not a lot anyway. inexplicable things being communicated (or not) through our eyeballs. and now MIND is coming in and trying to make sense of the loss my heart feels now that its over. there has to be a way to make sense of the pain and thus make it stop. i wasnt with him thinking, wow, this is all ive ever wanted....this is going to last forever...this is...anything. i was just with him. i thought that by just being present and not worrying i was protected from the way i feel now. i didnt do that intentionally, i just thought Presence was better than that I guess. That by playing with Magic, i was playing with different rules. Safe rules. This was my first experience on team Magic and i was excited and honored to have been invited to play in this new arena. now im just confused, disoriented, eyebrow furrowed.
i feel more misled by Magic than i do by him.
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