I wonder who will help me get over him. Or if that's even required. It seems so. And maybe that's okay. That there's a natural longing in the heart that will fill itself with something no matter what. Either love or heartache or fantasies or crushes or analyzing the emotion of all of the above. Is there something else I can fill it with besides romantic love or hopes and dreams of that future? Like career accomplishments, travel, other self growth? I will definitely continue trying...
I read back about Dustin last night and this morning. The pain that one can suffer while another does not fascinates me. I often referenced our deep connection... that he must "feel what I feel." Well we now are in a wonderful place in our relationship where we are able to express our love and respect for each other without that strong romantic longing (or lack of). It is one of the things in my life that I am so awed by and grateful for. So I guess it validates that connection I always spoke of, and gives me hope that I will one day feel the same validation regarding W.
And I try to just stop right there. In a place of faith, trust, honoring myself and my heart. Just knowing that what I feel will happen (he will show up and we will somehow someday have closure/completeness) will happen.
And why not? It's hard to stay there because the compulsion of my mind is to think, "you are making this up. You attribute way to many things/thoughts/feelings to him that simply aren't true." And why do I do this? Maybe to protect myself. Because I'm a perfectionist and I want to make sure I'm right. I'm not embarrassing myself, etc.
To be honest, the former feels like more of a spiritual challenge to do. Even though it also feels better in my heart. So I'll take that and do that and know that I chose my road less traveled.
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Ps. Nutty Goodness is no longer Nicole's. :)
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