chaos

you take me to this place that makes me lose it.
makes me lose sight of anything else going on in my heart and mind that does not concern you.
it makes my heart hungry yet satisfied.  alive with feeling.  content like all is right with the world and this moment is all there is. yet i am teetering on a precipice with ecstasy on one side and devastation and chaos on the other.
a fine line divides ecstasy and chaos.  properties of being out of control are evident in both. one, bliss, the other, [can be] hell.
i dont feel like myself around you because i am in this other place.  but im instantly drawn to this place so i dont know how i got there, i just know i am there. so it must be myself.  it must be true.  truer than me normally?  or the opposite?
then when you leave it is as if i am spun in a whirlwind and i dont know where i was, what i was just feeling, what i was saying.  am i crazy?
if im honest it's not just when you leave.  it's more when i reach out from a hopeful (often drink induced) place and you dont respond.
it is then i feel as if i am the yo-yo on the end of a string and your departing is the action that flicks me back up my string, rolling rolling spinning spinning getting dizzy.....then i get let out again.  and i dangle there.

and i say, what the fuck was that?