Yet again

I had been waiting for the letter to arrive for a while. Yes, it included a check but this was not really the point. It was symbolic. The last piece. The last time I really need to communicate with him. For me this piece of mail tells me it's really over. And I realize now it meant a lot because it was an opportunity for him to communicate with me and I wanted to see how and if he chose to.  I wasn't aware of this until I got the letter.
So I get the letter today and it seems he closed up the envelope with the check inside and then later decided maybe he should write something. I didn't read it right away. I actually went upstairs, unpacked my suitcase, lit some incense, ran a bath. Finally when I was ready, started to read his short note. Even after two months I found myself hoping for something to encourage me. Something that showed a bit of regret, concern, love. Instead, in only the second sentence he says, I've been reading Angela's blog....I'm sorry to hear she and her boyfriend broke up.   I wanted to reach out to her but something tells me I shouldn't.
All I can see now is that one sentence. He's been spending time reading my best friends blog.  That used to be okay. Until he accidentally snuggled up in bed with her when he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me.
I could write and analyze but I'm not in the mood anymore.
I'm so over it.  he continues to hurt me without even fucking trying. And I continue to have expectations without even realizing it.
I know it's my own stories. Picturing him being attracted to and secretly in love with her.
Or could be intuition.

Regardless. I'm not spending my time thinking about him anymore. I'm moving awayyyy from any conscious connection with him- past, present, future, romantic and platonic.
He let me down AGAIN. Is nice to see that I was hoping, that there's a part of me that is hopeful and gracious to a fault. Also nice to choose, that I'm not going to be upset.  I'm jealous. And sad. But I'm over it. Over it.