Space

Again I will say that space is good.  It really only takes a few days.

I had a feeling to do a quick photo stalk today. So I did. Probably because I was feeling distant and that means I am both curious and more stable. What I saw was an anniversary photo and a "ten years later, I love you."

Sweet. Really it is.

Its so funny how technology these days can change things. I can see what their friends are saying. Supporting encouraging words, etc. It makes them more real and us more unreal.

I feel it going away.

Have I felt it going away before?

I can't wait til it's over.  Til the new year and I'm gone and the space gets me overrrr the hump. The hump is a pile of fear and unforeseen circumstances. Uncontrollable emotional responses. Longing. Delusion. Distraction.

Funny thing. Today I really wonder how much of this my higher self and I made up to teach me some lesson(s).  If they are even involved really.  This might be totally my story. My spiral. Me, alone whirling under the waves, getting knocked around, shaped, confused, but waiting, trusting, and coming out of the water with new eyes. Me and god learning each other. And they are just at a dinner party with their fabulous 10-year-long other-world friends.  Drinking expensive wine. Laughing at inside jokes. Feeding their cute little dog.

Having no idea I exist, let alone of my emotional involvement with their emotional involvement.

It's really quite disturbing.