my mom is coming today for an entire week. i am so grateful, excited, hopeful. i hope she can fix me. give me that free therapy that will take dustin out of my mind foreva.
why do i love him so? i know i dont. my brain is addicted and i cant make it stop.
all suffering comes from denying what is. he gave me five minutes and the market and i wanted 5 hours. so i suffer.
i suffer more because i dont understand how i can know as much as i know, and love as much and as many people as i do and still want to force a reality that is not and will not happen. fucked up.
but totally loved jesus and was all happy yesterday. and today i am again nuts. that is why i am additionally fucked up.
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